Forgiveness Sets You Free: A Lesson from the Chessboard

In a world where holding grudges often feels like the natural response to betrayal or disappointment, the idea of forgiveness can seem like a distant, almost unreachable concept. We’re told that some people don’t “deserve” our forgiveness, that they should be held accountable for their actions. And you know what? That’s true. Many times, others don’t deserve forgiveness. But here’s the catch: forgiveness isn’t about them—it’s about you. It’s a tool, a key, that unlocks a sense of freedom you might not even know you’re missing.

If you’ve ever played chess, you know the game isn’t just about strategy and moves. It’s a lot about mental and emotional resilience. Every piece you move represents a decision, a sacrifice, and sometimes, a mistake. There’s always a risk of regret. You make a move, maybe a bad one, and the game shifts in a direction you didn’t intend. But just like life, you can’t stay stuck on that one mistake. You need to keep going—adapt, learn, and most importantly, forgive yourself. That’s how you stay in the game.

The Chessboard of Life: Why We Hold Onto Grudges

Picture this: you’re playing a high-stakes chess match. Your opponent makes a brilliant move that leaves you stunned. You didn’t see it coming. You feel a mix of anger and frustration rising in you. You want to lash out. You want to blame them for “outsmarting” you, for making you feel foolish.

But here's the twist: if you focus too much on that one mistake, you’ll lose the game. Not just because your position is weaker, but because your mindset has shifted. You’re no longer thinking strategically. You’re emotionally entangled with your opponent’s move rather than your own. That emotional weight—anger, frustration, regret—is a heavy burden to carry, and it blinds you to the possibilities ahead.

In life, we often hold on to the “mistakes” of others the same way. Someone hurts us, betrays our trust, or makes a decision that affects us negatively. We replay that moment in our minds, over and over, like a bad chess move. We obsess over it, let it dictate how we feel, how we move through the world. And the more we hold onto that hurt, the more we trap ourselves in a mental and emotional checkmate.

For example, think about a time when a friend let you down. Maybe they canceled plans last minute, or worse, they shared something personal of yours without permission. The anger you feel might seem justified. You feel wronged, and the idea of forgiving them feels impossible. But imagine, just for a second, how much of your emotional energy you’re giving away. Every time you replay that hurt, you’re investing time and energy into someone else’s actions. You’re giving them power over your peace of mind.

Letting Go of the Grudge: The Power of Forgiveness

Forgiveness, much like moving forward in a chess game after a poor decision, allows us to clear the emotional clutter that keeps us stuck. It doesn’t mean we condone the actions that hurt us or that we “forget” what happened. Instead, it’s about giving ourselves permission to release the grip of anger, bitterness, and resentment. When you forgive, you free yourself from the emotional shackles that hold you back from moving forward in your life.

In chess, when you let go of your emotional attachment to a bad move, you’re able to refocus and look for opportunities ahead. You analyze the board, assess your new position, and make your next move with clarity. Forgiveness works the same way. It’s not about erasing the past but about gaining the mental and emotional clarity to move forward without being held hostage by someone else’s actions.

Let’s take another example. You’ve been working for months on a big project at work, maybe even putting in extra hours and personal energy. Then, out of nowhere, a colleague takes credit for your work. The sting is immediate. You feel betrayed, overlooked, and angry. The natural impulse is to confront the person, to demand recognition, to make them feel guilty. But imagine if you held on to that anger indefinitely. Not only would it create tension in the workplace, but it would also consume your mental energy, leaving you bitter and distracted.

But forgiveness—while challenging in this scenario—frees you from this cycle of resentment. It doesn’t mean you let your colleague off the hook, but it means you stop allowing their behavior to control your emotions. You choose peace. You refocus on your own growth, your own journey. And who knows? With that newfound clarity, you might find a better way to showcase your abilities, or even set healthier boundaries in the workplace.

Forgiving Others: This can be the hardest part. It’s difficult when someone’s behavior has caused you pain. But forgiveness isn’t for them; it’s for you. Holding onto anger is like carrying a heavy, unnecessary weight. It doesn’t change the past—it only drags you down in the present. When you forgive, you make a conscious choice to free yourself, to play the game of life with a clear, focused mind.

Think of a relationship where trust was broken. Maybe it was a romantic partner who betrayed you, or perhaps it was a family member who repeatedly let you down. The pain from these experiences can feel deep and personal. But here’s the truth: as long as you stay angry, as long as you keep carrying that hurt, you give that person power over you. Forgiveness allows you to reclaim your emotional autonomy. You stop being a prisoner of the past and start living in the present.

Forgiving Yourself: This might be even harder. We’ve all made mistakes. We’ve all played a “bad move” or let our emotions cloud our judgment. In chess, you can’t undo a move once it’s made, but you can learn from it. The same goes for life. You can’t change what happened, but you can choose how to respond, how to learn, and how to grow. Be kind to yourself, as you would be to a chess opponent who made a poor move. Recognize that mistakes are part of the game.

Consider a time when you felt like you let someone down, or when you felt you could have done better. Maybe you missed an opportunity, or you acted impulsively out of frustration. We often beat ourselves up for our mistakes, replaying them in our heads, thinking we should’ve known better. But what if, instead of holding onto regret, you chose to forgive yourself? What if you viewed that mistake as part of your learning process, a necessary step toward personal growth? Just like in chess, no game is won without sacrifices and setbacks. The key is how you bounce back.

The Ultimate Freedom: Mastering the Game

The most powerful players in chess know that the game isn’t just about winning every move—it’s about resilience, adaptability, and learning from each play. It’s the same in life. Every setback, every wrong move, and every betrayal is an opportunity for growth. And forgiveness is the tool that helps you grow stronger.

Forgiveness is what enables you to look at the chessboard of your life, no matter how many pieces have been knocked off, and say: I’m still in this game. You can still make your next move. You can still win, even if you’ve lost before.

Let’s say you’re in a high-stakes tournament, and your opponent has just made a brilliant move that puts you at a serious disadvantage. For a moment, you might feel like you’ve lost. But the players who go on to win the game are the ones who accept that move, regroup, and find new opportunities. They don’t sit there blaming their opponent or themselves. They strategize. They adapt. And above all, they forgive the game for not going as planned and move forward with determination.

The same goes for life. Every obstacle, every disappointment, and every betrayal is part of the bigger picture. It’s how we move through these challenges, how we forgive ourselves and others, that determines our ultimate freedom.

So, just like in chess, keep your eye on the board. Keep your focus on the future. And remember, forgiveness isn’t about the other person—it’s about giving yourself the freedom to play the game of life without being weighed down by the past. It’s the move that sets you free.

Have you ever found that forgiveness helped you get out of a tough mental spot, like when you’re playing a game and can’t seem to get past a bad decision? What was that experience like for you? How did letting go of a grudge or mistake change the way you approached your next move?